Hospice of Hope BEAR STORIES

A four-year-old was visiting grandma with his mother. Grandmother was dying, and the little boy knew it. Everyone was focused on grandmother's illness, and none of the adults had time to pay much attention to him. Grandmother died, and on the day after she expired in her home, her grandson began to do things he hadn't done before: he got angry and hit his mother; he broke several of his toys; he wet his pants.   The nurse from Hospice of Hope visited the family that day, and heard how upset the grandson was. She got a bear from her car, gave it to the boy, and explained the "prescription." He listened carefully. As it turned out, it was a wonderful gift. The family reported that over the next several days, whenever he felt another wave of sadness coming over him, he would go and look for his bear, and give it a big hug.   A family friend was also thinking of this little boy in the midst of the family's loss, and brought him another stuffed bear. After the friend left, the boy found his mother and gave the new bear to her, explaining that everyone should have a bear to hug when they were sad.

Mom came by the Hospice of Hope offices a week or more after her mother had died. Her four-year-old came with her. After taking care of some business, she was speaking with the bereavement facilitator outside the rear door of the building. In the course of sharing some of her thoughts and feelings with the facilitator, she began to cry. Her son came over and asked if she was crying.   She said, "yes."  Without a word, he went to their car in the parking lot, got his bear, and brought it to his mother so she would have something to hug and hold.

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A 60-something patient was in the last stages of her cancer. She had Hospice of Hope staff assisting her family in her care more than 12 hours each day. She was still alert enough to talk with her caregivers, and when her hospice nurse's aide arrived, the aide brought her a bear! She was thrilled. She kept the bear in bed with her, and demonstrated how useful the bear was in helping her keep her head from falling off her pillow.

 

Several days later the patient was no longer able to communicate with her caregivers, and the family realized her time was getting shorter. The same aide brought another stuffed animal for the patient's husband. He was pleased to have someone recognize that he was suffering right along with his wife through this difficult time. For days after his wife died, he showed visitors the stuffed toy hospice had given him.

 

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From David Wirth (OH Bereavement Facilitator)

Recently I did a follow-up bereavement visit with a daughter "Mary" (not her real name) who had lost her mother. Three weeks had passed since the patient's death. I knew it would be rough going for Mary.  She had been her mother's primary caregiver and she had lived with her mom for decades. She had a close "best friend" relationship with her mother, and now she was alone! She was pleased to see a familiar face; someone who would just listen. We had a meaningful visit as Mary shared memories and confronted the challenges she was facing as she adjusted to a new life.

 

As I got ready to leave, I looked around the living room to see if I could spot "Ginny's" (Mary's mother's) teddy bear. I knew the little flower-pattern cloth bear had become special to Ginny in her last days. When she was first given the bear in the hospice "in-patient" room, she looked at it and smiled. Although Ginny was very weak, she held on to the bear firmly in her bed. It seemed to bring her comfort. Ginny lived only three more days after receiving the little bear. Her family took turns sitting by her bedside, praying and waiting, speaking kind words in caring tones. A family member usually held one of Ginny's hands. In the other hand Ginny held on to her little bear.

 

It was a great comfort to Mary that she was present when her mother finally slipped away. Mary said, "It was wonderful in a way. She hadn't opened her eyes all day. I was just watching her breathing. The breaths became more and more infrequent. Then Mom opened her eyes and looked right into my eyes. I saw peace in her eyes. I don't know how to describe it. I said, 'Mom, it's OK to go and be with Jesus.' And then Mom closed her eyes and after one shallow breath she was gone. She held on to that bear until the very end."

 

Mary said the rest of the family was notified that Ginny had died. Several of them came back to the hospital to pay their respects and to comfort one another, including Mary's sister "Sharon".

 

Mary said, "Sharon was so upset that she had not been with Mom when she died. She was more upset than me. She really lost it. Right then on an impulse, I said, 'Here, Sharon. You take Mom's bear. Maybe it will comfort you the way it comforted Mom.' She took the bear and hugged it. She held it and sobbed. After a while her crying subsided and she looked at the bear and read the tag tied with a ribbon around the bear's neck: 'When you feel sad or lonely, HUG ME!'  Sharon said, 'I know it seems stupid but this bear does seem to help!' The other family members in the hospital room started passing the bear to one another. They all took turns giving that bear a hug. Finally we laughed when someone called it 'the Miracle Bear.' So that's where the bear is now. Sharon has it. I really didn't want to give it away, but she needed it more than I did."

 

After I had a prayer with Mary I told her I had something for her out in my car. To Mary's surprise, I brought her another little cloth bear in a similar flower pattern. I said, "This one is just for you. It doesn't look exactly like the one I gave your mom, but close. Maybe they are cousin bears."

 

Thank you, Happy Community Stitchers, for making the world a kinder place through the work of your hearts and hands!

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We had a bear we had been saving for almost a year. It was a "patriotic" bear, made from a fabric printed with dozens of American flags. When the Fourth of July was approaching this year, one of our Bereavement Facilitators went to visit an older male patient and presented him with this flag-covered bear. He loved it! His family reported that he held that bear each day until he died!

 

Another patient was being cared for by her sister from Florida. The sister had left her twin daughters at home. The girls - grade school age - were feeling disconnected from both their mother and their ailing aunt. Our patient and her sister both spoke of their concern for the two girls in Florida and the difficulty they were having with both missing their mom and concern for their aunt, so many miles away.

 

The Bereavement Facilitator suggested that mom and aunt send bereavement bears to the two girls. Our patient wrote a personal note with each of the bears, and a pair of "twin" bears was dispatched to Florida. The girls were thrilled with the bears and the note. They felt, even long-distance, that their mom and their aunt understood their feelings. Another success for our Bereavement Bears!

 

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From the Kentucky Team

One of our Hospice of Hope nurses was preparing to do her visits for the day when she was reminded that she could take a bear to patients or family members who would get comfort from having one. She thought of a particular patient who she would be seeing who was being treated for a wound on his leg. She took a bear for him, then another bear for the patient's wife, who was also in need of comfort.

 

As the nurse spoke with the nurse's aide who also saw that particular patient, the two decided it would be a good idea for the bear to also have a bandaged leg. They got the supplies and bandaged the bear's leg before delivering it to the patient. He loved it! The bear was not only a comfort, but could sympathize with the patient, having the same sort of injury!